Birth Story Medicine For Doulas With Jaely Turner
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Transcript
Welcome to Doula Tips and Tits, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven.
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
Hello and welcome back to Doula Tips and Tits. We are joined today with another guest, a dear friend of mine, Jaylee, who is local to me. She's in, well, kind of local -ish. She's an hour from me in Virginia.
In DMV, that's local. Right. Yes, that is totally local. And we're chatting about birth story medicine, but Jaylee is a doula. And so Jaylee, tell us about how you became a doula and got into this work.
Um, so ironically, a birth story medicine session is what got me into this work. Um, so, so after my first birth, I had a lot of, um, trauma around it, the story. Um, but it was one of those stories where if you're listening to it from the outside, the trauma isn't like immediately distinguishable, right?
Because like the general public, they consider a traumatic birth. Like where there was an adverse outcome, essentially, and everything else really is swept under the rug, societally, at least. Um, and I was really experiencing increasing frustration about that.
Um, I, I felt gaslit. Um, I didn't understand why I felt the way I did, even though I was sitting in a rocking chair, holding a healthy baby. And for all intents and purposes on my paper, my birth looked stellar.
Um, and so at that time I was listening to a lot of postpartum, birth adjacent type podcasts and an episode came on about birth story medicine. And the interview was with a birth story medicine practitioner.
And when I was listening to the episode, I thought this is exactly what I need. Um, and for anyone listening, the episode is the yoga birth babies podcast. And the interview is with Nikki Shaheed and it's about unpacking your birth story.
Um, so when I listened to it, so much of it resonated with me. Um, so I reached out to her for a birth story medicine session and. Being heard and feeling seen in that experience really changed the trajectory of my life, actually.
Um, so I just, I felt a really huge internal shift happen after that session. And, um, she was starting a doula training through birthing from within in a cut, like a few weeks later. At that time, I had already been toying with the idea of pursuing doula work, but I was really entrenched in another career.
So it was one of those things that was like, maybe one day when I retire. Um, and then COVID happened and I was unemployed and collecting unemployment checks. And so it was one of those situations where it was like, well, I'm not doing anything else.
So I went for it still with no intention of becoming a doula, because I didn't think I had the wherewithal to endure the lifestyle of a doula, um, thankfully as I went along, I really learned that a lot of that comes down to boundaries around your work, but, um, that was my biggest hesitation.
But then as I went through the training and, um, after I attended my first birth, that was really it for me. Like I didn't look back after that. It was like, um, I just, yeah, there is just, I just really felt in my element.
It was like the first time that I had really been at my job and not concerned with whether or not I was doing a good job. I was just doing the work and it was very freeing for me. And it was just like, I was able to enter a different place that was just like outside of myself for the first time.
Um, so that was how I got into the work actually was through birth story medicine. And I always knew that that would be something that I wanted to offer as part of my business. I love that.
And I'm also like, do I know this about you? That that's your first, I mean, I knew it was from your first birth, but I don't know that I knew birth story medicine was kind of the kickoff. How did I not know that?
That's also really lovely because I think finding the like sweet spot of your work is so glorious, right? Like the, I mean, I feel very much like when Andula is like, this is what I was made to do. And like, I didn't know about this when I was, you know, planning my life out many years ago, you know, but it is such a lovely feeling to be like, I am like literally walking in my sweet spot, you know,
like that's what this is. Yeah.
And you know, when I was pregnant, I was always like, I devoured birth story podcasts, and I love, I still love listening to birth stories. I've always loved listening to birth stories. So this really just felt like a perfect fit.
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So, um, you've been a doula now for how many years? This is my fifth year. Okay. Um, and then when, at what point in the process did you decide to add birth story medicine in?
I mean, I know it was always part of your intention, right? But when did you officially become a birth story medicine practitioner?
Um, so I started the training in January of 2023. And I completed it in, I want to say it was March or April. Um, and right away I started taking clients.
OK, so like a little over a year, right? And how does it change your business? Like, what does it bring to your business to have this piece in there? What are kind of your favorite parts of it, if that makes sense?
I love the variety of it. I am someone who if I am doing just one thing with my work, I start to get really like neurotic and my mental health suffers and I get restless. And so having that variety in the things that I do is really good for me.
And I think it also really keeps me grounded in like hearing these stories keeps me grounded in how powerful our words and actions are during birth. A lot of the stories I hear are traumatic, not necessarily because of the events that occurred, but because of the way that someone treated them, the way that someone spoke to them, or the feeling that they lost their agency or autonomy and they no longer felt like they were part of their care team.
They no longer felt like anyone was hearing them and, or they no longer felt supported and they, you know, there was no follow -up for what happened. No one explained things to them. They didn't understand what was going on.
Like these are the things in my experience as a birth story listener, these are the things that caused the most internal conflict for people after going through a birth that didn't go the way they hoped.
Yeah. I mean, I very much agree with that and resonate with that because I think we think about trauma in birth and of course jump right to like, you know, major health disparities and like maternal mortality and infant mortality, right?
But I think the research around trauma clearly points to the fact that being listened to, being the center of your care, knowing why something needs to happen is a much bigger trauma indicator than like the events themselves seeming traumatic to someone else, you know, or having that outcome.
It keeps me grounded in my work as a doula, I feel.
Yeah, I love that for you because I think trauma informed care is so vital to this work, you know, because birth work is trauma work period. Yes, absolutely. And even if someone doesn't realize they have past trauma or doesn't doesn't have past trauma, which is, you know, increasingly rare to not have past trauma.
But we also don't want the birth itself to be a traumatic experience. And that's part of what we're doing in trauma informed care is keeping trauma at bay in whatever way we can, you know. Yeah, I love that.
So as a doula, do you do sessions primarily with other people's clients or with like people who aren't your clients or do you do sessions with a lot of your clients as well?
Yeah, so that's a great question. I have a personal rule that I will not do a birth story medicine session for a birth that I have attended.
I figured you might have that rule. I was like, listening to you. I'm like, I believe it.
really like I think it's just impossible to do without my perspective of the birth sinking in because you know like they have their own story about the birth and then I have my own story as well about like how things were from my perspective and even if they match it's really really hard to stay in a balanced place about it so I made that like as soon as I started my work I made that.
That being said I have had many clients who are having like a second, third, fourth baby and sometimes I offer it as an add -on to the birth doula package if they're preparing for a birth or even if they've had like fertility treatments and there's a whole slew of trauma that comes with that.
I've done birth story medicine sessions as well for folks who've had fertility struggles or loss and to me that's all part of the birth story. Anything like perinatal related I mean even like the postpartum wing and how people are in the postpartum wing and how like breastfeeding challenges I consider all of that to be
Yeah.
part of birth story medicine, like any of those things would be worthy to have a session about. And it is very, very often that if someone had a birth experience that was traumatic in some way, sometimes they don't realize it until they're pregnant again, their second, or maybe they've just shoved it down until they're pregnant with their second.
And I find with a lot of my clients, and maybe this is true for you too, a lot of a second, third, fourth pregnancy is processing those previous births. Because inherently, like your body remembers what happened.
And when you become pregnant again, you're in this state that is similar. And your body, like there is, there is this like creeping up of like waiting for the other shoe to drop and like, Oh gosh, I'm going to have to go through this again.
And that can really, really create a lot of anxiety during a subsequent pregnancy. So if I have a client like who has had a previous birth experience that was traumatic, I often will offer that as an add on.
And it's helpful because as the doula as well, it gives you more FaceTime, you get an opportunity to really like build a rapport and really understand what that previous experience was. And I found that is really, really helpful in the birth space.
And establishing, like it's another opportunity to develop that relationship and establish that trust with the client, which is so important.
Yeah, yeah. Well, and I can imagine it helps to unwind some of that trauma ahead of time. So there's less of it coming to the surface during the actual birth, especially surprisingly coming to the surface, right?
It's one thing like I often talk to clients about if they're like, oh, you know, sometimes I have panic attacks and I'm nervous that I'll have one, I'm like, okay, so let's assume you will, right? Like let's assume you'll have a panic attack.
How are we gonna manage that, right? Because if you do, it'll be fine, right? Like we'll manage it and I'm not diminishing that, right? Like I'm not downplaying it, but we're like making a plan for it, right?
And so that's totally different than going in and being like, shit, I didn't know this was trauma from last time. Here we are in the middle of this birth, processing that, you know.
Right. Doing it for clients is helpful for me as a doula too, because if I start to see that creeping up, like I know what it is and I can, I can come in and, and really walk alongside that person as they're navigating through it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I love that. And that's that's just for people who were not with you in their last delivery, correct?
Yeah. Now I did do a session once who like, it was a client of mine whose birth I attended and the birth was great, but when she was in the postpartum wing, she was really mistreated. So we did debrief on like what happened in the postpartum space, but I felt okay with that because it wasn't like a situation where I was present.
So I didn't have any, you know, of my own stuff. But I do like to come in as a blank slate for seeing for these sorts of fashion.
How do you feel like, um, it has changed your business practices? I know you mentioned like, you know, you, um, get a little bit restless, right? Which I love that word. Because that is definitely how I feel if I'm only doing one thing.
Um, but do you feel like having, having it to balance out the like on -call services and things like that, has that been helpful for you in your business? Oh, 100%.
Yeah. The nice thing is, is like. When one thing is slow, you can, it gives you the ability to really lean into another thing. So if your eggs aren't all in one basket. Yeah. Is nice. Um, and offering these like adjacent surface services, sometimes there's like really creative ways that you can leverage them to scale your business.
Totally. Like we were just talking before this about how I'm beginning to offer packages of these sessions. And I'm, I am offering them to doula agency owners or just doula business owners. Um, almost as an insurance policy for them so that if a client has an adverse.
Birth for some reason, or I've like, you know, God forbid one of their doulas, like royally screws up. Um, that they have something to offer the client. To be able to debrief. From that.
So, I mean, as a team leader, that's huge.
kind of, you know, of course, as a business owner, you're still going to have like damage control to do. Right. But it does give that client a space to process what they need to and it does kind of, as the as the business owner as well, like it kind of takes a little bit of that pressure off your back because you can focus on the damage control, I can focus on the processing.
Exactly. Yeah. Well, and I think in those scenarios, especially it's vital to have someone that that is not connected to who they hired, you know.
100%. Yeah. And you will see this too with like therapists, like, you know, social workers and licensed therapists, they have a personal rule like that they, they can't have any connection. Right. The people that they're seeing and there's like very strict like that's like regulated by a board and everything.
And there's a reason for that because that impartiality is so important for providing a compassionate.
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I think we all could probably Google and find some pretty terrible stories of folks that haven't followed those things. Right. And the outcomes are bad. Like the outcomes are always bad for everybody.
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So so as a birth story medicine practitioner, what are like maybe two or three things that you would want doulas to know about like, if they're considering this, like, what are some things that you think they should consider as they're thinking about maybe adding this as an adjacent service.
Yeah. The number one thing would be working through your own trauma first. And maybe that means reaching out to a birth story medicine practitioner and having some of your own sessions. Sorry, that was a client texting me.
You want to make sure she's not in labor. You're fine. We're getting very real on this podcast.
This is our actual life.
Okay. That's an appointment update. So where was I? Geez. The number one thing you were saying is working through your own trauma. Yeah. I think the number one thing is like, perhaps seeking your own therapy and also like reaching out for a few birth, birth story medicine sessions of your own first, because I truly believe that.
You mean we, you know, as birth workers, we carry trauma from the births that we've attended. And in order to come at this work from a place of neutrality where we can be of best service to our clients, we really need to also be able to hold space for our own stuff.
So this is something I offer to birth workers as well. And I offer it at a discount to birth workers because I feel it's really, really important. That people who are working with this population are as healed as they can humanly be.
Yeah, 100 I think.
I think a lot of the disparities and a lot of the mistreatment that we see in the birth space is coming from a place of unprocessed trauma on behalf of the care providers. Yeah, not all of it because we know things happen, but I think a lot of it.
Yeah. And so I believe that it starts. It starts with the providers, this healing start people who are providing the care so that would be my number one piece of advice is like really seek out your own sessions first.
Mm hmm. And heal yourself first. Yeah, you know you're never going to be completely healed. Yeah, if you're if you're doing this work where you're doing this work with other people you really need to be doing the work yourself too.
Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So that would be my first piece of advice. I'm gonna leave it at that.
I love that your first and only mic drop. We don't need any other pieces of advice.
I mean, I, you know, it's, it's, it's been a really great addition to my business. And sometimes I have a lot of sessions in a week and sometimes I have one. And it is a, it is, it is a line of revenue where you can really leverage your community because I think every doula has someone come to them with a previous traumatic birth story.
And how wonderful would it be if like you could be the point that they could, you can point to someone who can help them. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's, you know, for those that are, uh, who maybe carry a lot of stigma or fear around therapy, this can be a really good bridge.
It's not a substitute for talk therapy, but it can be very potent and a good companion to therapy. But even standing alone, because it, because you're processing a birth story with someone who has like intimate familiarity with the birth space and can actually like walk into that room mentally with you and see it and understand everything that makes a really big difference.
And I think that is where it differs from traditional talk therapy.
Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, that's huge. Like, I remember having an amazing counseling many years ago, and I shared with her a traumatic birth story. And she was like, why is she, she was a single woman who'd never had babies.
Right. And she was like, why would you start this work? Like, it seems like so hard and traumatic on you. And I was just like, oh, this is like too traumatic for you. You like can't process this with me because you have no context for what we've been talking about.
And the thought of child birth is also in therapy too. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that that's huge. Even just as a doula, you know, processing through traumatic births that we've witnessed, you know, so.
And I do birth story medicine sessions for people who have witnessed traumatic birth as well. So whether that be a partner or a doula or a midwife or a birth attendant, like that is also a worthy thing to, to seek out these sessions for.
Yeah. I feel like I, I need like a dozen of them from you at this point, which I mean, it's not really funny, but also like, I'm like, can we group a six births together? Or is it one person?
Well, the process does work best if we're processing, if we're working with one birth at a time. I have had folks come to me to process multiple births. And so we're, you know, we're working through those.
But it's also really important to have a good sense of when the trauma from a birth is outside of your scope and to feel comfortable referring out when necessary.
Yeah, yeah.
I yeah, I think that that is huge, especially given the fact that the trauma varies so much birth to birth.
You know? Yeah. And a lot of people develop post -traumatic stress disorder. And first -story medicine can't heal post -traumatic stress disorder.
No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, I love that. So part of what Jaylee does is, is this birth story of medicine stuff is online, right? So people who are listening all over the country can refer to you, correct?
Absolutely. Yeah, the sessions happen on zoom. They're between an hour and an hour and a half their private confidential
Okay. I love that. Yeah. So I'll make sure that all of her information is in the show notes for referring to her. If you wanted to, um, and Jaylee, I'm going to put you on the spot here, but I assume if people have questions for you about it, you're happy to answer them if they connect to you on like social media, is that correct?
Okay.
Yeah, I'm on Instagram at our village circle. That's the social media platform where I'm most active. So yeah, slide into my DMs.
We're going to wrap up for today, but Jaylee, do you have any other words of advice for Dula's listening? . I wish everyone could see you looking around your room thinking.
And just like, I'm thinking I have so many and I'm like, yeah, endless words of advice. Yeah, I think. Honoring yourself and your limits is very, very important in this work and recognizing when you need support.
Yeah, I love that. I love that. I'm five years into this work and my quote unquote birth count is quite low for someone five years into this work. But I'm, you know, I burned out I burned out of my other career.
Yeah, so I learned a lot of lessons. Yeah, and one of them was only take the workload that will that you can do and stay healthy. So for me, that meant limiting my client load. Yeah, because for me that was the only way I was going to be able to endure beyond call.
Yeah. And feel like a whole person. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love that. That's wise advice. And five years in means that you've made it longer than a lot of doulas do, you know, which is because of your intentionality.
Yeah.
Yeah. And that's always been like, that's always been my, like, when I come back to how I want to structure my business, it, the focus for me always is on longevity. Like, how can I do this work for as long as possible?
Because I did hear early on about the attrition and burnout rate in this career. And I can see how it would be really, really easy to fall into that because, you know, like you get the dopamine rush of a new client and like, you see your calendar.
Oh, well, I'm already full, but like once one more. And then, you know, the dopamine rush of getting that deposit, but you're still on the hook.
Yeah. Yeah.
six months or whatever from now and then, you know, you're overwhelmed. It's very easy. So I have had to be very, very intentional about my client load and finding other ways to make up that revenue and birth story medicine is one of them.
Yeah. I love that. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today and taking the time to share with the listeners. Listeners, you can look for another guest episode next Wednesday. And until then, we'll see you in the next episode.
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When Doulas consider adding additional services to their businesses it is usually along the lines of other services for their same clients. Jaely Turner is our guest today and she is breaking down her work with Birth Story Medicine and why it’s a helpful part of her doula/birthwork business!
Quote from Jaely
“so ironically, a birth story medicine session is what got me into this work. Um, so, so after my first birth, I had a lot of, um, trauma around it, the story. Um, but it was one of those stories where if you're listening to it from the outside, the trauma isn't like immediately distinguishable, right? Because like the general public, they consider a traumatic birth. Like where there was an adverse outcome, essentially, and everything else really is swept under the rug, societally, at least. Um, and I was really experiencing increasing frustration about that. I felt gaslit. Um, I didn't understand why I felt the way I did, even though I was sitting in a rocking chair, holding a healthy baby. And for all intents and purposes on my paper, my birth looked stellar. ”
Meet Jaely Turner:
I'm Mama to my sweet boys George (4 years) and Allen (2 years), and Wife to my wonderful and supportive husband, Chris. I'm also a Musician, Yoga Instructor, Doula, Birth Mentor, Birth Story Listener, and the Owner of Our Village Circle.
When I became pregnant with my first son, I began devouring all the information I could find about birth - the physiology, the evidence, the rights that birthing people are entitled to, and coping practices. I listened to birth stories, spoke with doulas, and made my own sense of the evidence and what I hoped for out of my prenatal care and birth experience.
For me, pregnancy was a process of stepping into my own power, silencing the unsolicited outside voices, and learning to tune into and trust my inner voice, advocating for myself to the ends of the earth.
Connect with Jaely:
https://ourvillagecircle.com/
https://www.instagram.com/ourvillagecircle/
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/
If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula
Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Doula Biz Blueprint Self-Paced Class for Doulas Launching Successful and Sustainable Businesses!
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
