Active Listening in a Doula Consultation

Oct 4

Transcript
Welcome to doula tips and hits the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven.
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
Hello and welcome back to doula tips and hits. If you have not already done so, please pause this episode and go and roll for the consultations that work workshop that is coming up next week, October 9th at 12 noon Eastern.
And if you are, if you're listening to this and you're late to listening to this, you're not listening to it the day it comes out, then you can still sign up and get the replay and get all the information that comes via email.
That is a very important workshop because how people come into your business is how your business grows, right? So you having a really good solid process for that is not only going to help you and take some stress away from you on a very regular basis.
It's also going to increase your sales, increase your revenue, increase your client load. Okay, now today we're going to talk a bit about active listening and why this matters a lot in doula consultations.
This honestly also matters a lot in all of life and also in how you're caring for your clients. So this is an important topic regardless. However, for doula consultations, part of what I teach is starting off with why they are there because starting with that piece helps you know what it is they're looking for.
That is what you gain from that. So let's say that you start off a doula consultation and say, hey I like to start by asking you what made you start looking for a doula, right? And they say, well you know we are wanting an unmedicated labor, we're giving birth at home and we know that it would be a benefit to have an extra set of hands.
Our midwife team has told us that it would be really good to have a doula because you will sometimes join before them and you can provide continuous support in a way that they cannot and so that's kind of why we're wanting you, right?
That's one possible answer. Let's say another person says, well I'm super anxious and I like get a little bit anxious in the hospital settings. I'm giving birth in a hospital, planning to have an epidural and so I'm a little nervous about just how that whole process will go and when to get it and how to get it and to make sure that labor is like progressing well even though I have an epidural but also I want to not lose my voice in a hospital setting because I tend to kind of just default to whatever a doctor says and I don't want to look back on the experience and feel like I lost autonomy,
okay? A third possible option, and there's endless answers to this, but a third very common option is I'm giving birth in a hospital. I am not entirely sure what I want and I love having all the information.
I want to know what's happening, why it's happening, what to expect next and I feel like I'm a little nervous about the fact that the that the team in the hospital is not going to be with me the whole time.
I've recently found out that the nurses and the clinicians, the providers, midwives, OBs, etc aren't in my room all the time and I expected that they would be and so now I'm not sure what to do with that information.
My partner and I are having our first baby and we're just really wanting someone to be with us to help us kind of understand and navigate the journey in real time, okay? Now those are three very different prospective clients.
Those are three very different reasons for looking for a part of what I know. Part of what you also probably know is that some of what you do as a doula applies to all three of them, but some of it does not, right?
With the two hospital folks, part of what you're validating for them is their choice to be in the hospital. With a home birth person, part of what you're navigating with them is that process of home birth and validating that and also making a game plan for if that changes into a hospital setting, right?
At least for me, that's what I'm doing with my doula clients that are home birth clients, right? So how then you talk about your services can adapt to those particular people. So if someone is giving birth at home and planning to be unmedicated, they are gonna wanna hear more about your experience with unmedicated people or home births or birth centers or what does it look like in terms of movement and tools and what do you have and what do you recommend and all of that.
Someone who knows they want an epidural is more looking to see if you are going to be okay with that because doulas still have a reputation for only liking unmedicated labors. I start by saying, even if someone hasn't said this, so client number two that we talked about, the person who says I'm kinda anxious and planning to get an epidural but I just tend to say yes to all the doctor things and I don't know what,
even if I don't know what they're talking about, et cetera, I like to right away say, it's important for you to know that I do not think there's only one right way to give birth. There are risks and benefits associated with all kinds of decisions in the midst of birth but one thing that lots of people think is that doulas only like to support unmedicated labors and that is not the case for me, right?
Now that is even without that person asking me that, right? That person isn't saying to me, do you support people who have epidurals? Or are you okay with me getting an epidural? Or do you, how do you feel about me having an epidural?
But the fact that they're bringing up that they want an epidural means that I can take that opportunity to validate that and tell them I am a person who supports epidurals in many of my clients and right away put them at ease about something they may or may not even know that they're nervous about.
Now I will tell you 99% of the time in my experience, this is how that goes. I say what I just said, a common myth is that doulas really only like unmedicated labor, blah, blah, blah. And then the client size, like honestly, an audible site, like this is what I almost always see.
They go, that was one of my questions. Like I don't wanna feel bad about wanting an epidural or they'll say something like, that was on my list, I wasn't sure if doulas even support epidural births, right?
Or they'll just say, oh, that's so great. I'm so happy to hear that. Like that already sounds so lovely. So from the very first statement, I am showing them that I can support and validate their own decisions in birth.
And that is already building rapport. I mean, truly at that point in a consultation, I've maybe said like, oh my gosh, it's so nice to meet you. What do you want in a doula? And then this thing. So this is my third comment to them potentially.
And I've already started to build trust with that person at that point. Now that is different for different people, right? With a home birth person, I might say, oh, what home birth team are you working with?
I have worked with a lot of the home birth teams in the area and I adore them. They're wonderful, you know, and we might start from that place. So that that rapport is being built on my experience and familiarity with their other providers, who they already love and trust.
And so my familiarity and shared love of those people is going to also build rapport, right? When you think about this, it is about listening to what someone is saying and also hearing what they're not saying in the midst of that, okay?
Now as a doula, there are times where someone says something and you have to kind of read the meaning behind it. And what I mean is something like, I don't know if I can do this. And what does that mean for that person, right?
In the midst of labor, if someone looks at you and says, I don't know if I can do this. My response to that person depends entirely on what I already know about them. My response to that phrase, I don't know if I can do this, is different with different people.
Because I know they have different game plans, they have different motivation, they have different desires, they have different providers, they have different health history, right? There's so many factors that set each of these people apart as individuals.
That when I hear that phrase, I have to read into it all of our previous conversations about fears in birth, about plans of pain management, about coping skills, about how and when they want to be supported.
All of that has to come up for me when I am responding to them. And for me, that is part of my job. I firmly believe part of my job is to be a person who's with you, who knows you a little bit, right?
Who can say, I know you're a little type A, and what you mean by that is this, right? Or I know you really just want me to say, I know you have the strength to do this. I've seen people do this and you can be one of those people, right?
And some people want me to be like, it's okay to get an epidural. Like, it really just depends on the person. And I talk about that with them prenatally so that I'm ready for that when it comes up because almost every birth I'm at, they say something like, I don't know if I can do this.
I'm pretty sure I can't do this. I don't want to do this. This is really freaking hard, right? And all of that is part of what I'm doing when I'm actively listening to them and I'm like participating with them in that prenatal getting to know you phase.
But in a consultation, I can already start that so that in that moment, they also see that I am hearing them on a deeper level than what they're actually saying. Now, there are times where I'll say something like, okay, I have a follow -up question for you.
And I could be wrong, but I feel like XYZ, right? So I do not assume that I know what they mean and everything. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is those three scenarios that I started out with, if those different people are showing up, they need to hear different things from me as a doula about how I'm going to support them.
And that is not me being manipulative or shaping the conversation in a way that forces them to hire me. It's me showing up for them how they're going to need me to show up for them and then it's to their birth.
And the way I show up for them is going to be very different because those are very different people, right? I love supporting all of those types of folks. Those are three examples of people I have had, right?
But they don't need the same things from me and they don't want the same things from me and they don't want the same things out of birth. And so I can't show up only one way for all of those different scenarios, okay?
So once again, if you have not yet done so, go sign up for the doula consultation workshop because it is glorious, wonderful, amazing, and it's going to help you sort through some of this stuff so that when you show up to those doula consultations you show up like an absolute boss.
And you feel super confident in it and it doesn't feel stressful and it doesn't feel hard and it's not something that is a hindrance in your business. Also the workshop is free so why would you not come?
Because come on. Anyway October 9th 12 Eastern please come. I want to hang out with you. I also want to teach you the things. If you have questions hit me up on instagram at hara doula. Sign up in the show notes using the link for the workshop and otherwise I will see you in the next episode.
Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment we'd love for you to share that on instagram and tag us at hara doula so we can celebrate alongside you.
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It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business. We'll see you again soon.

Don’t miss the FREE Doula Consultation Workshop: 3 Proven techniques to increase client conversions. This 1 hour workshop will teach you how to show up with confidence and ultimately get more “HELL YES” responses! Sign up today!

https://harroddoulaservices.thrivecart.com/doula-consultations-workshop-pod/

Today we're going to talk a bit about active listening and why this matters a lot in doula consultations. Not every prospective client needs to hear the same thing from you in a doula consultation! Because of that active listening helps you to really hone in on what to highlight about your work and your experience to connect with them more authentically from the beginning.

Quote from The show

“This honestly also matters a lot in all of life and also in how you're caring for your clients. So this is an important topic regardless. However, for doula consultations, part of what I teach is starting off with why they are there because starting with that piece helps you know what it is they're looking for. That is what you gain from that. So let's say that you start off a doula consultation and say, hey I like to start by asking you what made you start looking for a doula, right? And they say, well you know we are wanting an unmedicated labor, we're giving birth at home and we know that it would be a benefit to have an extra set of hands. ”

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Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

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